June 28th- July 4th Doggy Horoscopes
This week is going to be a scary one and someone will steal something from you, like precious items from your house. Don’t worry, your dogs are all super smart and have already created a Home Alone plan to catch and humiliate the burglars in the act.
Aries: Your Aries animal is competitive and has to win every contest. This week, make sure you beat them in every activity. Does your dog think they can catch a frisbee the furthest? Nope, you can. Does your dog think they can swim the furthest? Nope, you can. Not only can you swim the furthest, you can also collect the most ducks your family members shoot in the air because, apparently, you live in rural England in the early 20th century. Soon, your dog will realize that you are a force to reckon with.
Taurus: I read in the stars last night that your Taurus pup is going to save the world from...Tom Hanks? I don’t know what this means but, I guess we have to fear Tom Hanks this week.
Gemini: Your Gemini furball is curious about the world around them. Whether it’s sniffing every dog butt they come across or reading every book on cancer so they can find a cure, your Gemini is going to learn everything they possibly can this week.
Cancer: Your Cancer canine will protect you no matter what so when you go jogging this week, make sure to bring them along. Trust me, I know killer clowns haven’t been seen in the woods since 2016, but you never know.
Leo: Leos live for the drama and your Leo dog is no different. Maybe they will destroy every jacket in the closet or spread rumors about the local 75-year-old priest which will cost him his reputation and force him to leave the parish. So, make sure your dog stays inside this week.
Virgo: Your Virgo puppy is extra sweet this week. Until they are sour at the end of the week like the chewy sour patch kid (or dog) they are.
Libra: Your Libra doggo is ready to go on an adventure this week and see what the heck a ‘CVS’ is.
Scorpio: Scorpio dogs sting just as hard as the real thing so try not to take what they say this week personally even when they bring up that you haven’t kissed someone in over a year and how sad you look when you cry to The Notebook at 4 in the morning on a Tuesday.
Sagittarius: Stand aside John Mulaney and Jerry Seinfeld!! Your Sagittarius pup is not only the funniest thing alive, but also is the most famous comedian in the world! Cool!
Capricorn: Capricorns are independent and will refuse to wear a leash this week and will force you to wear the leash. Just suck it up and say yes, you might look ridiculous in front of the neighborhood, but at least your Capricorn is being the boss they always dreamt of becoming.
Aquarius: I am not saying do drugs this week, however, you should get yourself to a place where you can have a deep talk with your Aquarius pup because for one week only, they will understand the meaning of life and you will not want to be sober for that (Trust me, it’s all too hard to take in).
Pisces: Look out! Your Pisces dog is about to run in your room and jump on you!! (Was I right?)