Have you ever thought that you were being watched? That’s because your Aries pup is looking at you right now….
You can always depend on the kindness of Taurus dogs. Except for this week when your pup abandons you for your neighbor who has those peanut butter treats you refuse to buy because they weird.
Your Gemini doggo is the nicest doggo on the block. This week, your pup will give back to the community by rolling over on their back so everyone can have the honor to pet the belly of such an amazing dog.
Your Cancer Canine is very angry at you. Figure it out.
Leo dogs are very confident but don’t like to think things through. When your Leo dog attempts to chase the squirrel who torments them every morning up a tree, stop them because a dog who fails to jump off your bed properly is going to fall outta that tree.
Your Virgo furball is anything but loyal. However, this week is different when they disagree with you about how real Shawn Mendes’ relationship is to Camilla Cabello (you believe they’re fake but your Virgo pup believes in true celebrity love).
Your Libra puppy finds it difficult to be at home alone but your work doesn’t allow dogs. Simple, this week bring your Libra buddy to work and pretend they are a human child. If Paddington can do it, your pup can too!
Your Scorpio pup is resourceful when needed and this week, it’s definitely needed. Watch your little MacGyver figure out the solution to being locked out of the house and all you have is a paper clip, roll of duct tape, and a greeting card you keep forgetting to send to your grandmother.
Your Sagittarius furbaby is always the star of the show that is your life. This week, you may find yourself jealous of how much attention your pup is getting. This is your week to pretend to be your dog so people will actually pay attention to you.
Your Capricorn doggy is serious about anything they do so whatever you do, do NOT laugh when they become fixated on defeating the world record for the most mustard drunk from a tube in 30 seconds. The record was beaten in 2015 by some guy in Germany and soon, your dog will be the winner. I apologize for the lack of mustard in the fridge.
Your Aquarius pup has a wild imagination so, when they start to pretend that they are Balto and force the other dogs (and even some cats) of the neighborhood to pull sleds full of children, just let him have his moment.
Your Pisces pet is feeling affectionate this week and will give you all the love that you deserve. Unless you don’t deserve it then I feel really bad for your dog.
]]>Pups Weekly Horoscopes | This week, every dog in the world will lose their sense of smell. As their owners, we have to smell for them which means you have to smell… you know… Sorry. I don’t make the rules, I just read the canine stars.
Aries: Your Aries pup might be afraid of the dark, but your limited edition Gremlins night light you received when you were 6 is your pup’s new BFF.
Taurus: You wish your Taurus pup can talk because they would tell you a dark secret about your future! Learn how to interpret your dog’s barks to find out if you will find the love of your life this week or if you will get run over by Owen Wilson on his bike. | Pups Weekly Horoscopes
Gemini: If you own two Geminis, they are going all Hardy Boys this week and solve the mastery of why their human doesn’t allow them to drink from the toilet.
Cancer: This week, your Cancer pup wants a makeover! Show off your fresh and fabulous fur-baby on a town walk, and everyone will envy your stunning companion!
Leo: Is it Shark Week yet? Or is your Leo dog obsessed with biting your toes in the middle of the night?
Virgo: Even if your Virgo dog thinks every meeting you have at work this week can be an email.
Libra: This is a sign to take a lavish photoshoot with your Libra pup on the beach. Just don’t get mad if they try to eat a seagull again.
Scorpio: You might have lied on your resume about being proficient in excel, but your Scorpio pup can you in that department.
Sagittarius: It’s going to be shocking finding your Sagittarius pup’s reddit account and all the times they trolled on threads dedicated to cats, mailman, and Mitt Romney. (remember when he tied his dog’s cage to the roof of his car on a roadtrip??)
Capricorn: Remember that beginning scene in Up when we see the old man’s wife and stuff? Your dog will actually care more about the dog character and his obsession with squirrels.
Aquarius: Your Aquarius buddy wants a little sibling so, bite the bullet and make their dream come true!
]]>Aries: This is a message for your Aries pup: “Yer a Wizard “insert name of your pup here”!
Taurus: This week, your Taurus doggo is joining Oxygen’s Bad Girl’s Club and serving attitude alongside Tanisha Thomas and Mehgan James. Ohhhhhhh boy.
Gemini: Your Gemini pup is feeling left out this week. Additionally, Make sure to include them in everything you do like going to the supermarket, work, and when you follow Phoebe Bridgers on her North American tour.
Cancer: Who stole the turkey sandwich from the kitchen counter? Your Cancer pup!
Leo: Your Leo pup is not a huge fan of the fan trying to keep the living room cool. Just hide it or something.
Virgo: Your Virgo puppy wants nothing more but to cuddle with you for the week. However, Sorry if you have stuff to do.
Libra: It’s time to give your Lira dog a new nickname. How does Honey Bunches of Oats sound? Maybe Little Debbie? I’m just spitballing here.
Scorpio: This is a sign to take your Scorpio pup to the beach this week. You never know if you need your dog to scare off a shark or pee on a jellyfish bite.
Sagittarius: No, it’s not your roommate stealing French fries off your plate. It’s your Sagittarius pup and he has a soft spot for McDonalds.
Capricorn: This week love is in the air as your Capricorn pup falls in love with the poodle from across the street. Awww. Just don’t leave them alone too long unless you want more mouths to feed.
Weekly Doggy Horoscopes
Aries: This week, your Aries doggo will begin an obsession with eating healthy and wake you up at 6 in the morning by blending their daily kale and bacon shake.
Taurus: Your Taurus pup will demand 100.000 dollars. It’s best for everyone to just give it them.
Gemini: Your Gemini doggo will beg for you to get a motorcycle with a sidecar so you can both ride around town in style.
Cancer: What the heck! Your Cancer bud is better than Shrek! (Great movie, but I wanted this horoscope to rhyme)
Leo: Want to know a secret? Your Leo dog loves you more than peanut butter.
Libra: This is a sign to throw your Libra pup a party for no reason. Only because you love them so much.
Scorpio: This week, your Scorpio dog is going to take up knitting. The blanket will be more like a small square of fabric, but hey, the dog put his heart into it and because of that, it’s beautiful.
Sagittarius: The new Turner and Hooch movie is coming out and you know what that means, solving crimes with your Sagittarius pal!
Capricorn: Your Capricorn is itching to get away on vacation. Don’t worry, you don’t have to go to Bali. A trip to that other Walgreens on the other side of town that you usually don’t go do will do the trick.
Aquarius: What’s better than an Aquarius dog? Absolutely nothing! Go pet their cute little head right now!
Your Weekly Dope Dog Horoscope
]]>Aries: Teach Aries pup a slam dunk like Bugs Bunny in Space Jam: A New Legacy. Unleash their inner superstar!
Taurus: This week, your Taurus pup is going to start speaking Italian for some reason.
Gemini: It’s a Gemini’s best day ever! Some local punks broke open the fire hydrant and it’s time to splash!
Cancer: Your Cancer pup might seem under the weather this week but fear not, they just figured out they like the attention you give them when they pretend to feel sick.
Leo: Buy your Leo doggo a hat this week! But only a top hat, it will all make sense this week, trust me.
Virgo: The olympics is when the world’s best athletes gather to show their physical prowesses. This week, your Virgo is attempting to win the gold in the event of holding the largest amount of sticks in their mouth.
Libra: Libras this week will believe they are like Aang the next Airbender and believe they can control all four elements: water, air, earth, and fire. Of course, they can’t and the only thing they can bend are destroyed socks and shedding on absolutely everything.
Scorpio: Your Scorpio pup has watched too many episodes of the Real Housewives of New York when they flip the dining room table after not receiving the correct amount of kibble.
Capricorn: When you least expect it, your Capricorn is going to jump on you from behind!!
Aquarius: It’s that time of summer when the ol’ slip and slide is taken out of storage. Basically, it’s the best day of your Aquarius’ life.
Curious about your dog's weekly horoscope? Check out Your Weekly Doggy Horoscopes for fun insights into your furry friend's future!
]]>Aries: Aries dogs love you so much and need you to stop doing the thing you call “work” and pay attention to them.
Taurus: Your Taurus pup loves Taco Tuesday and this Tuesday, make sure to drop more taco meat on the floor than usual.
Gemini: This week, have a spa day for you and your Gemini doggo! Paint each other’s nails, braid each other’s hair, and lie down with cucumbers on your eyes because that helps your eye lids stay moist? Is that right?
Cancer: Your Cancer canine is pulling an Olivia Rodrigo this week. Did they put out a hit record after a nasty breakup? No, but your pup did get their driver’s license and can now drive you around town! Your dog is super impressive, just don’t let them constantly drive by the house of the poodle they used to date.
Virgo: This week, your Virgo dog will impress you with their yoga skills as they master the downward dog pose. Namaste, furry friend!
Libra: Your Libra pup is fully embracing Dark Academia vibes this week with Faust, black attire, and Paw-ton University studies!
Scorpio: Do you remember that one scene from Harry Potter when Harry encounters Fluffy, the giant three-headed dog? Don't worry, your Scorpio dog won't grow extra heads, but it's a cute Halloween idea to consider!
Sagittarius: Make bath-time extra enjoyable this week for your Sagittarius pup. Indulge your pup with a lavender bath bomb and doggy wine (peanut butter in a wine glass) for a relaxing time!
Capricorn: Did your Capricorn dog play soccer last week? If your answer was no, this week they will play! If you said yes, then they will continue to play but be, like, so much better than before! Just bending it like Beckham!
Aquarius: Your Aquarius dog just saw the new Pixar film Luca and now wants to run away to the Italian Riviera, eat vanilla gelato, and become friends with another dog who is really a sea creature turned land-dog!
Doggy Horoscopes
]]>Aries dogs love you so much and need you to stop doing the thing you call “work” and pay attention to them.
Your Taurus pup loves Taco Tuesday and this Tuesday, make sure to drop more taco meat on the floor than usual.
This week, have a spa day for you and your Gemini doggo! Paint each other’s nails, braid each other’s hair, and lie down with cucumbers on your eyes because that helps your eye lids stay moist? Is that right?
Your Cancer canine is pulling an Olivia Rodrigo this week. Did they put out a hit record after a nasty breakup? No, but your pup did get their driver’s license and can now drive you around town! Your dog is super impressive, just don’t let them constantly drive by the house of the poodle they used to date.
This week when your Virgo dog is practicing yoga right alongside, just don’t worry when their downward dog is better than yours.
This week, your Libra pup is embracing all things Dark Academia by reading Faust in a cafe, wearing all black, and studying Ancient Dog Literature at Paw-ton University.
Do you remember that one scene from Harry Potter when Harry encounters Fluffy, the giant three-headed dog? Your Scorpio dog isn’t going to become big and grow two more heads, don’t worry, but isn’t that a cute Halloween idea?
Make bath-time extra enjoyable this week for your Sagittarius pup. Put in a bath bomb that smells like lavender, give them a glass of doggy wine (peanut butter in a wine glass) and let the good times flow.
Did your Capricorn dog play soccer last week? If your answer was no, this week they will play! If you said yes, then they will continue to play but be, like, so much better than before! Just bending it like Beckham!
Your Aquarius dog just saw the new Pixar film Luca and now wants to run away to the Italian Riviera, eat vanilla gelato, and become friends with another dog who is really a sea creature turned land-dog!
Doggy Horoscopes
]]>Your Aries pup was nominated for an Emmy for best leading pup to ever live in your house! I was rooting for Kaley Cuoco for her role in the Flight Attendant but… your dog takes the cake.
Speaking for all Taurus dogs in the world, stop paying attention to your new beau or ‘love of your life’ as you call them. You should be paying attention only to you Taurus pet!
This week your Gemini doggo is going to suddenly learn the power of math so you don’t have to worry about not knowing what 20% of your bill is the next time you go out to eat.
If you don’t let your Cancer pup sleep in bed with you, this week you should or they will be making permanent claw marks on the door. Also, nothing is better than cuddling with a puppy!
This week, Leo dogs everywhere will want to know why the fire hydrant is their favorite peeing place. Is it because dogs sense its importance and want to mark their territory? Or maybe the color red initiates a bladder? Whatever the reason, they will figure out why.
Take your Virgo doggy on a spontaneous trip this week. Maybe to a hiking trial you’ve been wanting to try, the lake on the outskirts of town, or Bali for a much needed vacay.
What’s better than a trip to Target? Taking your Libra dog to Target! Watch as you go in with the intention of buying one thing and leaving with 1,000 bucks worth of nonsense and no, your pup can’t help much with that dilemma because they love stuff as much as you do!
Scorpio pet goes cottagecore this week, donning prairie dresses, flower crowns, and showing a green thumb in the garden!
Your Sagittarius dog recommends the new show, White Lotus, on HBO Max. It's a must-watch! No ad here, just your dog eager to watch Jennifer Coolidge in a TV show instead of the trailer! | Doggy Horoscopes
Your Capricorn dog likes friends and wants to share the household with another being to play with but, don’t get another dog though because they might get jealous and Capricorn pups are also scared of cats. So… maybe a turtle? Turtles are cool and your pup will appreciate spending time looking at the turtle in its tank.
Your Aquarius might be the reincarnation of Bob Ross and this week, it’s time to make yourself a lot of dough with his abstract paintings that will have art lovers and critics scratching their heads and asking themselves: “What is the meaning of all this?” But there is no meaning, your Aquarius pup is just talented and loves the way paint feels on his paws when he walks over a canvas!
Doggy Horoscopes
]]>Aries: Your Aries pup deserves an extra treat today. Or else…
Taurus: What’s better than a good boy? A great boy! And that’s your Taurus pup!!
Gemini: Gemini is the sign of the twin and even if you have only one pet in the house, this week you should make your house a fuller house and give your Gemini doggo the Mary Kate to their Ashley.
Cancer: This week, your Cancer bud will get themself in a very sticky situation when they get their head stuck in an extra large tub of peanut butter.
Leo: It’s going to be hot this week, but your Leo doggo knows the best way to cool down… even if that means rolling in mud and shaking themself inside the house.
Virgo: Remember that scene from Mommy Dearest when she gets all mad about the wire hangers? Your dog is going to chew them all out of shape this week. It’s only because they chewed their toy too much and needed to move on to something else.
Libra: Your Libra pet finally realizes that the cute puppy face in the mirror is them and not a stranger!
Scorpio: Your Scorpio doggy wants to run in the rain. It keeps seeing the rain out the window and thinking that it will be fun to run and dance in the rain like that old movie everyone loves so much. But when they actually get in the rain… well… they realize that wet fur is not a good look and hate every second. Make sure to have extra towels!!
Sagittarius: Your Sagittarius pup won’t leave your side this week with fear that you will leave them for good, even if you have to make a quick stop at the grocery store or your neighbor’s house.
Capricorn: Your Capricorn will not stop barking this week but don’t worry, they aren’t in pain or sense any trouble. It’s probably because of the ghost that lives in your basement. Do you live in Luigi’s Mansion or something?
Aquarius: This week it’s time to pick up the ol’ guitar again and start playing again. If you don’t mind having your Aquarius pup becoming your backup singer. It’s okay, they are basically the dog version of Celine Dion. Which is good.
Doggy Horoscopes
]]>Your Aries dog knows how hard it is to make it in show business, they have been trying for years! This week, that video that you post of your pup barking but it sounds like they are saying “I Love You” is going to go viral and your dog’s dreams will finally come true.
This week, your Taurus dog will discover vanilla ice cream and now, no other food exists. Good luck getting them to eat their kibble!
Your Gemini puppy knows one thing, never to sleep on the right side of the bed because that is where you sleep! But this week, your dog is going to start claiming the right side of the bed. Don’t push them off, do the opposite! It’s still nice, no matter what side of the bed you sleep on, to share it with someone so cuddly.
Your Cancer canine is going to pull a Lassie this week and will save little Timmy in the well. We will save you Timmy!!!!
Your little Leo will do anything they can to get the attention of the poodle across the street. Even if that means fighting all of her eight evil exes. It’s kind of like the plot of Scott Pilgrim vs the World, except this poodle has eight exes instead of seven.
Remember that scene from Star Wars when Luke gets his hand lasered off and then Darth Vader is all like, “I am your father” and stuff? Well, you are going to take your Virgo pup on a walk this week and they are going to run into their father who they haven’t seen since you adopted him. It’s going to be a loving and tender moment, that’s for sure!
Your Libra doggo is going to be extra sassy this week. Instead of punishing them, be sassy with them! Walk down rodeo drive and talk back to retail associates (or don’t actually, they don’t get paid enough to do that. Just walk down rodeo drive and give off the sassy essence, ya know? | Doggy Horoscopes
This week, your Scorpio is going to hack the mainframe that is your 2017 Macbook Air that is also missing an enter key and order 20 pounds of peanut butter. And sorry, Amazon won’t believe you that the dog did it, they hear that excuse all the time.
Want to know what’s going on in your Sagittarius dog’s mind? Take them out on a date! Go to that park with the big hill overlooking whatever town or city you live in, bring a large picnic full of foods you both like, and make sure they don’t try to french kiss you on the first date. Ew.
It’s important to exercise! And your Capricorn pet will absolutely love to go on a run with you and he won’t judge you if you eat french fries dipped in a chocolate milkshake after one mile. One mile is a great accomplishment!
This week, your Aquarius thinks they are a bunny and will randomly start hopping around. Why? I don’t know, but isn’t it cute!?
Doggy Horoscopes
]]>Aries: Your Aries pet is going to have one thing on their mind this week and that’s your sock drawer. I would lock that drawer up with duct tape and a padlock so they don’t go all National Treasure on you and steal all of your right foot socks.
Taurus: Your Taurus pup wants to impress you this week by perfecting that trick where he stands on his hind legs and balances a ball on his nose like a seal. Even if he falls over, don’t laugh! Just encourage him to try his best!
Gemini: Geminis like to do things in partners. Maybe that partner can be you! Go on a long hike, play some fetch, or rob a bank so you can finally pay off your student debt and he can buy that light-up chew toy he’s been eyeing in PetSmart.
Cancer: Your Cancer canine lives for drama. So, when you think that someone is stealing your lunch from the fridge at work, have your dog sniff our the problem and soon you will find out that it’s freaking Todd from HR stealing your Baked Lays potato chips! Doggy Horoscopes
Leo: Leos live for performing and this week your Leo pert will be itching for an audience. This is the theme to dust off your old magician’s hat and bring back your act: The Magnificent Human and your trusty puppy sidekick, Ruff House.
Virgo: Virgos are always the calmness and most knowledgeable in the room and this week is no exception. When you are feeling down, your pup will know exactly what to say. Or do at least when they cuddle with you all night long.
Libra: Your Libra dog is going to be extra jealous at that poodle who just moved across the street. Make sure to remind them that no ons is prettier than the other and that what really matters is in our hearts but also… never mind because they are the cutest and prettiest pup on the street!!! Damn that poodle for making them feel bad!!
Scorpio: One thing about Scorpios is that they sting however, your pup doesn’t sting because that would be concerning. But, they know how to stand up for themselves and you.
Sagittarius: Your Sagittarius little munchkin wants to take more chances this week and that includes finally climbing the mountain that is the kitchen counter and retrieving those sacred peanut butter treats. Even if they are a tiny chihuahua.
Capricorn: Your Capricorn doggo is the sweetest pup on the block who makes friends easily. Make sure to take them to the dog park and don’t get too jealous when they have too much fun with the other dogs and leave you on the bench to only watch the fun.
Aquarius: Aquarius dogs have a strong connection to water. Take your dog swimming in a pool or lake. If those options aren’t available, an inflatable pool will work just fine! They don’t mind and will enjoy the water all the same.
Doggy Horoscopes
]]>Your Aries pup will start barking in the same corner of your living room every night at 8:47PM. It’s for sure a ghost but don’t worry, it’s not one of the bad ones. I think…
Hey, you said you wanted more dogs, right? Well, Taurus dogs are very sensual and when you see your Taurus pup make bedroom eyes at the poodle across the street, leave them alone and perhaps you might get your wish.
Gemini dogs love to find ways to express themselves. Set an easel in the living room and watch as they make you a masterpiece (or eat the paint which, now that I think about it, isn’t good so, maybe give them another way to express their creativity).
Cancer is the sign of the crab. Just for fun, give your Cancer doggo some crab as a snack! Could be fun (just not too much crab because crab has high levels of sodium, but they can get a little, as a treat).
Your Leo puppy will set something on fire this week. What you may ask? I don’t know, just make sure there aren’t any lit candles around.
You might be wondering why there are tracks of mud and debris near the door every morning. Install cameras by those doors this week and you will see that your Virgo dog is actually your neighborhood’s Batman and solving crimes by night and cuddling with you by day (or he’s just rolling around in mud again and being gross).
Take your Libra pup out to dinner this week! If the restaurant doesn’t allow dogs, sue them for all they have! Become rich when you win and you will solve all of your problems!
Your Scorpio dog is going head to head with Logan Paul in the ring this week! Watch them knock Logan unconscious! Your dog rules!
Gasp! Your Sagittarius dog is actually Nicholas Cage! Stop him before he steals the Declaration of Independence again!!
Your Capricorn canine will ask you to take them to Portland, Oregon this week. If you don’t make that happen, something really really bad is going to happen.
Your Aquarius puppy is going to seem really out of it this week by staring at the wall for hours or following their tail in a circle. They aren’t possessed or anything, they just got into your partner’s collection of extoic mushrooms they bought on Etsy.
Your Pisces pup is the wisest entity in your household and can definitely be the leader of a cult. If you ever wanted to start a cult, this week is you and your pup’s time to shine.
]]>Aries: Your Aries animal is competitive and has to win every contest. This week, make sure you beat them in every activity. Does your dog think they can catch a frisbee the furthest? Nope, you can. Does your dog think they can swim the furthest? Nope, you can. Not only can you swim the furthest, you can also collect the most ducks your family members shoot in the air because, apparently, you live in rural England in the early 20th century. Soon, your dog will realize that you are a force to reckon with.
Taurus: I read in the stars last night that your Taurus pup is going to save the world from...Tom Hanks? I don’t know what this means but, I guess we have to fear Tom Hanks this week.
Gemini: Your Gemini furball is curious about the world around them. Whether it’s sniffing every dog butt they come across or reading every book on cancer so they can find a cure, your Gemini is going to learn everything they possibly can this week.
Cancer: Your Cancer canine will protect you no matter what so when you go jogging this week, make sure to bring them along. Trust me, I know killer clowns haven’t been seen in the woods since 2016, but you never know.
Leo: Leos live for the drama and your Leo dog is no different. Maybe they will destroy every jacket in the closet or spread rumors about the local 75-year-old priest which will cost him his reputation and force him to leave the parish. So, make sure your dog stays inside this week.
Virgo: Your Virgo puppy is extra sweet this week. Until they are sour at the end of the week like the chewy sour patch kid (or dog) they are.
Libra: Your Libra doggo is ready to go on an adventure this week and see what the heck a ‘CVS’ is.
Scorpio: Scorpio dogs sting just as hard as the real thing so try not to take what they say this week personally even when they bring up that you haven’t kissed someone in over a year and how sad you look when you cry to The Notebook at 4 in the morning on a Tuesday.
Sagittarius: Stand aside John Mulaney and Jerry Seinfeld!! Your Sagittarius pup is not only the funniest thing alive, but also is the most famous comedian in the world! Cool!
Capricorn: Capricorns are independent and will refuse to wear a leash this week and will force you to wear the leash. Just suck it up and say yes, you might look ridiculous in front of the neighborhood, but at least your Capricorn is being the boss they always dreamt of becoming.
Aquarius: I am not saying do drugs this week, however, you should get yourself to a place where you can have a deep talk with your Aquarius pup because for one week only, they will understand the meaning of life and you will not want to be sober for that (Trust me, it’s all too hard to take in).
Pisces: Look out! Your Pisces dog is about to run in your room and jump on you!! (Was I right?)
]]>Aries: You might want to check the puppy cam in your house because your Aries pup might be confusing the pillow your great-grandmother made in the 1940s as a new romantic-friend. If you know what I mean...
Taurus: Your Taurus buddy is celebrating the one-year anniversary of Phoebe Bridgers’ Punisher this week. Get ready to curl up on the couch with skeleton inspired clothing, eating out of the carton of vanilla ice cream, and crying while staring at the stars at 3 in the morning thinking about the complexities of life.
Gemini: Your Gemini pet is pissed that you bought almond butter instead of peanut butter. What did peanuts do to you?? Go back and buy some Skippy or you will feel their canine wrath.
Cancer: Your Cancer dog is feeling naughty this week. Don’t be surprised if you find some socks missing, some shoes destroyed, or romantic texts you didn’t send to that barista you are too scared to ask out. Hey, maybe your pup will get you back in the dating game! Congrats.
Leo: Your Leo dog is extra brave this week when they go to the vet without any fight. Well, maybe a small one, but it won’t be as bad as the last time when you had to buy an expensive lawyer to represent you in court because of what your dog did when they ran out of your car and collided with the 92-year-old mayor of your time and sent him to the hospital leading to a lawsuit.
Virgo: Your Virgo doggy has always been one with nature. So, when they come back covered in sticky mud, don’t clean them up, roll around in sticky mud too! Now, your pup won’t feel so self conscious.
Libra: Libras like to feel pretty and this week, your Libra pup will feel anything but pretty. Make sure to remind them that they are the most gorgeous pup on the block! Buy them new clothes and hire RuPaul to walk them so your pet can feel extra glamorous.
Scorpio: Whatever you do, do not remind your Scorpio fur-baby that Robin Williams isn’t with us anymore. So, watch Flubber and forget.
Sagittarius: You love your Sagittarius doggy and we love your Sagittarius doggy, but they can be very lazy. Make sure you keep them on their feet by going on more walks, playing frisbee, or forcing them to climb Mt. Everest so they can become the second dog to climb a mountain of that size. That would make your family epic and not lazy in the slightest.
Capricorn: Your Capricorn pet is very patient this week, mostly when your partner brings in a litter of kittens from the neighbors. Soon, your dog will become a parent to these adorable little kittens and do an excellent job. Much better than your own mother...
Aquarius: Aquarius dogs want things done their way and their way only. If they want to watch the extended version of The Lord of the Rings trilogy all weekend even though it’s the weekend of your sister’s wedding that you weren’t sure would happen before she beat breast cancer last month. Too bad, you have to watch Frodo do his thing with your dog. Sorry, it’s in the stars.
Pisces: I have something amazing to share about your Pisces pet. They are the reincarnation of your third cousin, Rhonda. I know, crazy.
]]>This is the week of knowledge and the world is truly your pup’s oyster. Make sure they know everything they need to be know about the world! But not too much knowledge, because you are still the alpha of the house and who knows what would happen if dogs realized that they don’t have to be the pet… but the owner.
Your Aries pup is going to be feeling themselves this week. So, put on some Doja Cat and make some cute TikToks. Soon they will become famous and you will become rich in no time. (Capitalism is great sometimes, isn’t it?)
Your Taurus doggo is feeling a bit shy this week. They want to ask for cuddles and playtime, but they don’t want to come off as annoying. Isn’t that just horrible??!! HUG THEM RIGHT NOW!!
You know that your Gemini buddy is smart but what’s more important is that your pup is aware of their big brain! Make sure to treat them when they do something smart and thoughtful this week. Maybe sign them up for Jeopardy and watch them win enough money to pay for your iced matcha addiction.
Cancer dogs love to eat and this week, they are craving something new and exciting that differs from the mundane kibble. Crack open a cookbook and send them to Flavor Town. That’s right, call up King Guy Fieri and he can recommend the diners, drive ins, and dives that will be sure to satisfy your pup’s hunger.
Yes, your Leo fur ball is loud, but it’s only because they have a lot to say and it sucks that you can’t understand them. For Father’s Day on Sunday, all they want is to express what is lodged into their heart. It sounds complicated, but learn how to speak dog so you can translate their message of gratitude. It sounds hard but if you can learn how to speak Klingon on Duolingo, then I’m sure dog is on there too.
Your Virgo buddy is calm and the master of zen. If you have a lot going on this week, they can help you unwind. Do some yoga with them and soon you will be just as good at your downward dog.
We all love our Libra pups, but they can be a bit flighty. This week make sure they don’t get themselves in trouble like eating out of the trash can, running into a glass door, or being too forward to that cute poodle across the street!
Sigh, your Scorpio puppy loves drama. This week, they are going to purposely get into a fight with you by clawing the sides of your new Tesla àlà Kelly Clarkson. Do not get mad, just ignore them until they get the idea that a bad deed = no attention = no drama. Don’t give in!
It’s a wonderful thing that Sagittarius pups always sees the best in people. This week, the local dognapper might try to lure your dog into their white van with treats and hopes of chew toys galore in the backseat. Teach your dog about stranger danger and train them to fight like that one guy from that movie. Do you know what I’m talking about? The one with the old boxer and he, like, runs up some stairs? Robby? Rollie? Rodney?
Your Capricorn dog loves Star Trek even though you love Star Wars. This week, just watch old episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation because your pet suffers from anxiety when they don’t get their way and if they don’t have their emotional support Picard, then you will have to console your upset pup.
Don’t let your Aquarius bud in the pool! Trust me! I know what I’m talking about! It’s in the stars!
]]>Aries: Your Aries pet has been at war with the local squirrels for ages. This week, your pup’s plan to finally catch one will happen. What happens after the capture… well… make sure you have extra towels.
Taurus: Your Taurus furry best bud needs their spirits lifted this week so make sure to give them extra belly rubs and a check for five grand to cover their gambling expenses.
Gemini: Your Gemini dog doesn’t know what they want this week. Whether it’s where they will dig their next hole in the backyard or if God exists, take some time to remind your pup that they should take time to reflect on these important questions.
Cancer: Did your little Cancer bud binge all of Mare of Easttown in one night? They sure did and they also spoiled the ending! That sucks. Anyway, your pup is going to be bored this week and would rather watch Kate Winslet vape and solve a murder than go outside to play. Make sure to keep them active and show them that life outside of HBO Max is wonderful.
Leo: Your Leo puppy is reflecting on the past this week. Why did the bird fly away when they barked hello? Why doesn’t their favorite chew toy squeak the way it used to? Why doesn’t Grandma come by anymore? Make sure to keep your pet grounded to the present this week.
Virgo: Your Virgo doggy is going to have trouble expressing their emotions this week, mostly when the neighbors bring home their new pet cat, Doctor Furball.
Libra: Your Libra bud is going to be very sensitive this week. But can you blame them after they found out that Chris Evans has a girlfriend and will never love them? Yes, this is hurting the dog’s feelings more than the writer of this horoscope, trust me.
Scorpio: Your Scorpio little MMA fighter is ready to rumble this weekend! Make sure they keep their distance from the beagle across the street who was caught canoodling with your pup’s poodle crush!
Sagittarius: Your Sagittarius furball will be ready to take social action this week. Why are the treats hidden in the tallest cabinet in the kitchen? Well, they believe it’s unfair and will make sure to receive justice.
Capricorn: Your Capricorn friend needs to realize this week that good things happen to dogs who wait. Even though Dune with Timothée Chalamet kept getting pushed back, it’s now coming out October first and all your dog can do is re-watch the Lynch version and wait like everyone else.
Aquarius: Your Aquarius dog is going to feel conflicted this week so make decisions for them, so they don’t feel anxious. Choose their treats, toys, and what movie to put on at three in the morning when you wake up in terror because you realize you might be alone for the rest of your life. But it’s going to be okay, because your loving pup will calm you down in that overly specific scenario.
Pisces: Your Pisces pet will want to be the human this week and let them! Consider this to be a break from your mundane daily life. Let them clean the dishes and take out the trash. Heck, let them do your taxes! This week is about you and your dog will make sure you don’t lift a finger.
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Your Aries pup is convinced this is the week he finds out if he’s a good boy. What he doesn’t know is that he’s a great boy and will need to be reminded every minute.
Your Taurus furry friend is taking a page out of the Ben Affleck and J.Lo book this week by rekindling an old romance with the fire hydrant on the corner.
Your Gemini canine might seem hot and cold this week but fear not, they are just sizing up the new mailman.
Your Cancer doggy is afraid of change. That’s why he will refuse to believe this week that you’re not seeing your ex who gave them the best head scratches anymore.
Your Leo pup will believe that barking louder will make Emma Stone’s Cruella disappear from the television. They will do anything to keep their family safe from evil villains and their cinematic origin stories.
Your Virgo buddy will finally take home the biggest stick from the park after years of trying. Or was it days? Dogs, especially your little Virgo, have no concept of time.
Your Libra furball is always stuck on following the rules, but this week, your pup is going to experiment with being the wild child. But don’t worry, as soon as they see you cry over the carpet they ruined that belonged to your great-great grandmother, they will be a good pet again.
Your Scorpio bud can really hold a grudge. Every time you leave for work this week, make sure to lock up your vacuum cleaner.
Make sure you spend a lot of personal time with your Sagittarius puppy this week because they’re going to feel particularly lonely. If you have to leave, invest in a wax model of yourself or a look-alike robot so your pet doesn’t get too anxious.
Your Capricorn doggo is an independent superstar and like our self-love queen Lizzo, your pet will be looking in the mirror this week and become their own soulmate. Make sure you buy them something nice so they can continue to feel their best.
You might think your Aquarius dog is cuddling up to the neighbor more than you this week but don’t worry, your pup just wants the amazing treats your neighbor has. You have to step up your treat game and your dog will leave your neighbor in the dust.
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