Weekly Doggy Horoscopes July 26th - Aug. 1st

Weekly Doggy Horoscopes July 26th - Aug. 1st

By Michael Benatar

Weekly Doggy Horoscopes July 26th - Aug. 1st

This week is going to be another hot one! Make sure to keep your dogs hydrated and cool enough. Your dogs are already sooo cool, don’t worry, but I mean temperature wise. 

Aries:

Your Aries dog knows how hard it is to make it in show business, they have been trying for years! This week, that video that you post of your pup barking but it sounds like they are saying “I Love You” is going to go viral and your dog’s dreams will finally come true. 

Taurus:

This week, your Taurus dog will discover vanilla ice cream and now, no other food exists. Good luck getting them to eat their kibble!

Gemini:

Your Gemini puppy knows one thing, never to sleep on the right side of the bed because that is where you sleep! But this week, your dog is going to start claiming the right side of the bed. Don’t push them off, do the opposite! It’s still nice, no matter what side of the bed you sleep on, to share it with someone so cuddly. 

Cancer:

Your Cancer canine is going to pull a Lassie this week and will save little Timmy in the well. We will save you Timmy!!!!

Leo:

Your little Leo will do anything they can to get the attention of the poodle across the street. Even if that means fighting all of her eight evil exes. It’s kind of like the plot of Scott Pilgrim vs the World, except this poodle has eight exes instead of seven. 

Virgo:

Remember that scene from Star Wars when Luke gets his hand lasered off and then Darth Vader is all like, “I am your father” and stuff? Well, you are going to take your Virgo pup on a walk this week and they are going to run into their father who they haven’t seen since you adopted him. It’s going to be a loving and tender moment, that’s for sure! 

Libra:

Your Libra doggo is going to be extra sassy this week. Instead of punishing them, be sassy with them! Walk down rodeo drive and talk back to retail associates (or don’t actually, they don’t get paid enough to do that. Just walk down rodeo drive and give off the sassy essence, ya know?)

Scorpio:

This week, your Scorpio is going to hack the mainframe that is your 2017 Macbook Air that is also missing an enter key and order 20 pounds of peanut butter. And sorry, Amazon won’t believe you that the dog did it, they hear that excuse all the time. 

Sagittarius:

Want to know what’s going on in your Sagittarius dog’s mind? Take them out on a date! Go to that park with the big hill overlooking whatever town or city you live in, bring a large picnic full of foods you both like, and make sure they don’t try to french kiss you on the first date. Ew.  

Capricorn:

It’s important to exercise! And your Capricorn pet will absolutely love to go on a run with you and he won’t judge you if you eat french fries dipped in a chocolate milkshake after one mile. One mile is a great accomplishment!

Aquarius:

This week, your Aquarius thinks they are a bunny and will randomly start hopping around. Why? I don’t know, but isn’t it cute!?