Week of June 7-13th Doggy Horoscopes
We are in between two summer eclipses which is making our doggos calmer and in need for quiet cuddles. Well, until you take out the new light up chew toy you bought at that garage sale, then it will go back to the canine chaos you’ve come to love.
Aries: Your Aries pet has been at war with the local squirrels for ages. This week, your pup’s plan to finally catch one will happen. What happens after the capture… well… make sure you have extra towels.
Taurus: Your Taurus furry best bud needs their spirits lifted this week so make sure to give them extra belly rubs and a check for five grand to cover their gambling expenses.
Gemini: Your Gemini dog doesn’t know what they want this week. Whether it’s where they will dig their next hole in the backyard or if God exists, take some time to remind your pup that they should take time to reflect on these important questions.
Cancer: Did your little Cancer bud binge all of Mare of Easttown in one night? They sure did and they also spoiled the ending! That sucks. Anyway, your pup is going to be bored this week and would rather watch Kate Winslet vape and solve a murder than go outside to play. Make sure to keep them active and show them that life outside of HBO Max is wonderful.
Leo: Your Leo puppy is reflecting on the past this week. Why did the bird fly away when they barked hello? Why doesn’t their favorite chew toy squeak the way it used to? Why doesn’t Grandma come by anymore? Make sure to keep your pet grounded to the present this week.
Virgo: Your Virgo doggy is going to have trouble expressing their emotions this week, mostly when the neighbors bring home their new pet cat, Doctor Furball.
Libra: Your Libra bud is going to be very sensitive this week. But can you blame them after they found out that Chris Evans has a girlfriend and will never love them? Yes, this is hurting the dog’s feelings more than the writer of this horoscope, trust me.
Scorpio: Your Scorpio little MMA fighter is ready to rumble this weekend! Make sure they keep their distance from the beagle across the street who was caught canoodling with your pup’s poodle crush!
Sagittarius: Your Sagittarius furball will be ready to take social action this week. Why are the treats hidden in the tallest cabinet in the kitchen? Well, they believe it’s unfair and will make sure to receive justice.
Capricorn: Your Capricorn friend needs to realize this week that good things happen to dogs who wait. Even though Dune with Timothée Chalamet kept getting pushed back, it’s now coming out October first and all your dog can do is re-watch the Lynch version and wait like everyone else.
Aquarius: Your Aquarius dog is going to feel conflicted this week so make decisions for them, so they don’t feel anxious. Choose their treats, toys, and what movie to put on at three in the morning when you wake up in terror because you realize you might be alone for the rest of your life. But it’s going to be okay, because your loving pup will calm you down in that overly specific scenario.
Pisces: Your Pisces pet will want to be the human this week and let them! Consider this to be a break from your mundane daily life. Let them clean the dishes and take out the trash. Heck, let them do your taxes! This week is about you and your dog will make sure you don’t lift a finger.